Views

When we had just bought our new house and were getting it ready to move in, a friend was working on the house. He said, “Boy, that is quite a view you have there. It never quits.” I honestly was surprised. I hadn’t paid attention. With all the problems with buying the house (trouble spots on the house’s evaluation, prior owner’s bankruptcy and all its complications; and those are just 2 of many things) I hadn’t paid attention to the surroundings. I went out and looked. Holy crap! It had a great view! I was sitting outside last night and reflecting on this story. Here are pix of the view from one seat, moving across the valley. If you could line them up, they make a long picture.

Talk about missing the forest for the trees. I know we all get myopic vision at times. My MS tends to do that to me. I get so bound up in panic for my losses, I forget to look at the other, better things that are all around me. Eventually, I usually wake up and notice, Holy crap! Things aren’t as bad as I obsess them to be. There is hope. Light at the end of the tunnel—and maybe, just maybe, it isn’t from a train rushing to crush me.

Now, since we moved in last year, we have all come to appreciate the view here. Literally. We spent most every summer evening out looking at the lights, distant traffic, stars, moon. Of course it was ‘quality’ time for us as a family. And even free.

I hope you have Holy crap! views in your life too.

Not Your Typical Love Story, part 2

Wedded Bliss, again and again and again…

I’ve been married 3 times. Each time with the same Ol’ Mossy.

My parents divorced when I was 16, leaving me disillusioned about marriage. I swore I would never get married. Famous last words.

When I was but 19, I met and eventually fell in love with the young, less-mossy Forest. I had dropped out of college and was working in a warehouse. Mossy was transferred to the warehouse where I worked. At first he was grumpy having me train him on the job (good training ground for marriage!) We built a strong friendship and love in our first months working together. He had always said he wanted to hitch hike up and down the coast for a summer. He said no one ever thought he should do it. Then along came Sunny. I told him he should if he wanted to. So, as we were making this relationship, in June, he up and leaves. No promise when, or even if, to return.

My sister was having a big wedding in September. Right before the wedding, Mossy called from Olympia. He was out of money and unsure of where to go next. I said I would love it if he could come to my sister’s wedding and I would come get him. He said yes. I drove in my red Beetle all the way over and we drove straight back, talking all the way. When we were nearly to my house, he said, “So let’s do it.” I said, “Do what?” He replied, “Get married.” I said, “Okay.” After that long journey home, I knew he was my soul mate.

And that was that. My birthday was in 3 days. I had expected a disappointing 20th birthday. All the family would be gone following the wedding of my sister. So, I hatched the plan to get married on my birthday. A wedding in 3 days- and I wasn’t even pregnant.

You can imagine the excitement of our families (insert strong smell of irony). My mom didn’t come. She thought I was just jealous of my sister’s fancy wedding. We got married by a judge with Mossy’s sister and my brother standing up with us. I think my in-laws and Dad and his new wife may have been there. We don’t have many pictures of the day. The next day after the wedding, I returned to college and started my education in earnest. We knew the point of getting married was the marriage and not the wedding.

But there was a spot in me over time that grew with regret for not making memorable that day in any way. So, we planned a wedding in our yard for our 20th anniversary (also my 40th birthday (Good planning! Accident, actually. Does Mossy ever forget my birthday or our anniversary? No.) So when 45/ 25 years rolled around, we did it again, this time in Vegas with a fake Elvis. (That one was for the fun) I will be 50 next year. What will we do next??????























Feel free to submit suggestions in the suggestion box.

Not your Typical Love Story, part 1

1978: I worked for a health food company. Part of my job was making regular deliveries to the retail stores. At one stop, Mossy was there (a store employee) helping us unload. He asked me my name. Being young and sassy, I declined because, “You won’t even remember it.” He protested that he would, so I told him. In a week, when we returned with our next delivery, he greeted me with my name. I laughed and expressed my amazement. Thus started a great friendship. We married quickly and life moved on. At least FIVE years later, Mossy confessed; he had asked his boss for my name since he had forgotten it. I was robbed! He tricked me into marriage! I want a redo!

Watch for part 2…

Miracles

After my daughter was born with multiple disabilities and no one could explain, we were unsure about having more children. When things were going well, we would think that maybe, we would take the chance. When things went badly, we were sure we didn’t want to take any more chances.

So we waffled back and forth until she was 8 or 9. At that point we started looking into adoption through the state foster-adopt system. We respite fostered several kids and found they were so abused before the state stepped in that they were a danger to Genny. We started researching foreign adoptions.

Many people knew we were looking, so when a coworker of Mossy heard about a baby boy that needed a home, she told us. She said there were 2 other interested families in line first. We discussed it and decided if he was available, we would take him, even though it seemed unlikely. This was late August.

So, Mossy and Genny went to visit his sister for Labor Day weekend. I stayed home to prep for the start of the school year. While he was gone, I got a call. The man on the phone identified himself as the child’s grandfather. He said, “You want to come get him?” He was very concerned that I know the baby was not retarded, just slow because he had spent too much time in a playpen. I assured him we didn’t care if he was disabled. This little boy needed us. I got an address and prepared to go. I tried to call Mossy, but they were out and about, so I left a message. I realized I had no car seat so made call until I located one to borrow. As I was driving, it hit me; our lives would never be the same.

I drove to the town where the baby was. The grandparents had the tiniest house, not even room for the portable playpen they were using for a crib. They said the child’s mother was a teen parent. She had tried to raise him on her own, as the father denied paternity and was still a minor. She had decided to join the navy and gave the baby to her father to find a home for him.

They promptly handed me the baby. He was 10 months old and look intently at my face and then smiled. That sure sealed the deal. So, with some clothes and formula, we hit the road for home.

School started in 2 days, we had no child care, no legal rights to the child; but we had the baby! Again, the fates were on our side. Mossy finally called and I told him I had a baby. I found a grandma lady to babysit, and after the first day of school we met with a lawyer.

There were some more twists and turns, but in 7 weeks, on Alex’s 1st birthday, we had our court date and he became our son! They tell you your court date, and they remarkably choose his actual birthday. People ask how we managed to adopt, but this was an un-repeatable story. I don’t believe in a god, but I do believe in miracles.

Panty Hose Rules

A new fellow teacher and I were at a training for new teachers. I was her mentor to help her on her journey into teaching. Something we heard there has stuck with me for many years. The story was as follows:

A new P.E. teacher went to the faculty lounge every day, and no one would talk to her. Outside of the lounge, everyone was fine and friendly. Finally, one day, another teacher took pity on her (no mentor teachers, apparently). She told her that teachers were expected to wear panty hose in the lounge. Being a P.E. teacher, she had been wearing sweats to the lounge. She began to dress up and all was fine. The moral of the story; there are many rules in societies and groups, that are unwritten, unspoken, but enforced just the same.

I find this to be incredibly true. Being in a new environment; be it a party, in law’s home, work, travel, and so on, there are many rules that no one tells us about; but they expect us to somehow know them. I mean, who doesn’t, it’s so obvious to all of US. Perhaps its roots are in our tribal past/nature as humans.

My most vivid memory like this, in my life, was when I was a teenager and invited to dinner at a friend’s house. Everyone just sat there at the table with the food. I thought they were waiting for me to start, as their guest. I reached for a spoon and they all dropped their heads for grace. I had no clue. My friend hadn’t warned me. He probably assumed everyone knew and did this. I was so embarrassed. My family never did that.

So I guess I would say, be aware, share the rules, and BTW I hate panty hose nearly as much as MS! But that is hardly relevant to this story.

My Best Free Advice

Sidebar: I wrote this piece then decided not to post it. It sounded preachy to me. But then I thought that it might have some merit. So, anyway, make what you will of it. I really don't know nothin. You'll have to tell me how full of shit I am or on the money. Sunny



Marry your best friend.

That’s it. We have survived and perhaps even thrived through thick and thin. We don’t stay together for the kids, the money, the house, even the insurance. We try to laugh every day and have fun together. This is not always easy.

Our daughter was born with a major disability. A high percentage of marriages end after such a traumatic experience. We got closer.

I was diagnosed with MS at 29 years old. We stayed together. I have been hospitalized several times with exacerbations. I now have a walker to use at times and many impairments. We are still together.

I have aged in unpleasant ways. He looks better with age and ‘they’ tell him so. Still we go on together.

I think the passion and excitement of a new relationship fades over time. Looks fade. Our big deals from our youth become less important. But if you are with someone you like to spend time with, that you share interests with, it will get you through the bad times. Mossy reminds me when I feel bad about my shortcomings as a spouse that I didn’t choose MS. But he and I chose each other. Our friendship has grown over the years. I rarely tire of spending time with him.

I find it interesting when people say about their own relationships, “Oh, we’re just friends.” I know better. That is the kind of relationship to build a marriage on.

Withdrawal Symptoms

I have had my 2 kids in my school for 21 years. When I moved here, my daughter was 3 years old. She started in the preschool right away. I normally teach students for 3 years, grades 1-3, but we held her back due to her disability, so I personally taught her for 5. She was in the school for 13 years in the end before moving to high school in town. The year after she left, our son joined the school as a kindergartner, so I have always had one of my kids in my school.

He just graduated last night from 8th grade. That will make next year my first without my own children in my work day. I’m glad he managed to graduate. Happy to see him move on to the next phase of his education. Hoping he makes it all the way to high school graduation. But I will miss him. I missed my daughter, but had my son to distract me from missing her. No such luck this time.

I know other teachers don’t have such a personal stake in their work, but it’s all I’ve ever known. I’m sad. Who could possibly offer advice? My situation isn’t like anyone else’s that I can think of.

I know, I will borrow, steal, or adopt another one. That’s it, what a brilliant solution! ( I know, get over it already)

You Have Such a Pretty Face

How many times have I heard that? Not lately, unfortunately. In hindsight, I wish I had been able to successfully deal with my weight earlier in my life. I was an average sized child. My troubles started as a young teen. I had become womanly by age 12 and packed on some weight before the growth spurt that we now know is expected. My parents got worried and put me on a diet right away. They didn't know any better.

And so it began. The cycle of dieting wildly inappropriately, celebrating with food, falling off the impossible diet and gaining more than I started with. I know better now, too late, that diets don’t work. Lifestyle change is the way to go.

Now, my MS hampers me at every turn. I get an exercise regimen going, lose some weight, and boom, the MS hits and I can’t walk or even stand up for weeks. This has happened three times in a big way and many times in small ways. What’s a girl to do?

And then there is the wonderful future. My dr. said I might want to lose weight so when I have to be moved around, it will be easier. Great—lose weight to be a better object to move. That is soooo motivating.

MS SUX

cat love

We have had cats for a long time. We were down to one, who is getting old. So we decided to get a new one. Ol Mossy would rather leave us than get a new cat (so he claims) but the kids were passionate. So he and I both started to ask around. We didn't want a kitten from an unknown background (insert your own horror story here). So, we both found one. Remarkably, Mr. Mossy said we should get both. After picking me up off the floor, we set about adding to our family.

How cute are they? The first was the black tabby. Then the orange one was old enough to adopt. Mossy said maybe if he named them both he might hate them less, so that is how Crikey (the black boy) and Antonio (think Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots from Shrek) were named.

The first week they were together was "Kill Antonio Week". We were concerned. By week's end, they were the best of friends.
So now they are a year old and loved way too much. My son calls Antonio my rug. He approaches me, makes eye contact, and jumps on my chest to purr and shed freely up my nose. He knows he is pretty.

Crikey is the athlete. His man is the one and only Mossy, who loves him back. Who'd a thunk it? Crikey loves to hunt. He was nearly done in by a large gopher. He managed to win the battle, but had to go to the vet from it. He survived and now seems to stick to the little moles and mice.There's something we never thought we'd see! Mossy and 2 cats, by his choice.

Gifts

At the holidays, it is easy to appreciate the exciting ‘it’s just what I wanted’ gifts. I remember getting warm flannel pajamas every year from my grandmother. I always said thank you, but you know I wanted the exciting gifts. It was always later, in the dead of winter in Minnesota, on cold nights, that I really came to appreciate the gift of the humble pajamas.

I think through my life, the best gifts have been like those pajamas. Gifts not valued when received; their true value to be revealed later.

My daughter was born with multiple disabilities. When we got used to the tragedy of that, we have since come to see her value. I have learned so much from her openness and her kind nature. I had only valued the high achievers of the world and expected the same from her and my students. Now I know better. Knowing her has made me a better person and teacher to my students.

When I was diagnosed with MS at 29, I thought my life was ruined forever. I have since come to value what is really important. My family, personal interests. I have learned how to properly prioritize my life. I used to put my job first. I can hardly believe that anymore.

So, all this leads me to tell you why I want to be called Sunny here. Amid all the hard times, I cope by keeping my face up and not giving up. It is my secret weapon. And I work hard to appreciate the gifts that I do receive, even if I don’t recognize them at first.