Time to sing another song, for me

What does it say about who shares your birthday?

Kevin Sorbo of TV’s Hercules
The Hamm twins of gymnastics
F. Scott Fitzgerald, author
Linda McCartney, Mrs. Paul
Phil Hartman, comedian
Jim Henson, muppet creator

Strong like Hercules, graceful as a gymnast, talented at writing as Fitzgerald, famous vegetarian, funny person, puppeteer. Nah, not me, but I can wish!

On the down side, The Hamm twins missed the Olympics in Bejing due to injuries, Fitzgerald’s wife had serious issues, Hartman’s wife murdered him, Linda couldn’t sing her way out of a paper bag, and died young of cancer, and Jim Henson was way too young and died of the flu.

Hercules – flawless and fictional?

Anyway, not wanting to feel old today as I turn 49. How long can I really call myself middle aged? I would have to live to be 100 at this point. Not bloody likely, or even wanted! Sing to me in your head…

Brain Cracks are Falling in my Head

Sing along if you know the tune…

Brain cracks are falling in my head
But that doesn’t mean my thoughts will not be sunny
Yet, I don’t like to give
up,
Those brain cracks are falling in my head
They keep fallin’

My MS has led to what I call cracks in my brain. Sometimes, in the dark of night, I wake up to go to the bathroom, and upon returning to bed I can’t go back to sleep. My mind springs awake and I go over the same things many, many times. The cracks let the thoughts in and then trap them.

This phenomenon typically only impacts me during the school year when I have to teach. I get maybe 2 good nights a week. It has been wearing me down for a couple of years. Summer is my haven. I have 5 or 6 good nights during the break. I love summer (even with the heat that hurts my MS symptoms) for that reason.

So, these cracks in my brain trap songs, ideas, worries, problems neatly in my head. How can you get them out? I am desperately hanging on to my job, you know how hard it is to lose half your income. My neuro gave me some meds to help, but when you wake up at 2:00, it seems like a bad to medicate at that late hour. He wants me to medicate daily to prevent, but if I wake up later, they don’t work any more because they aren’t narcotic.

So, I move to the family room and watch things that don’t make me think, like Judge Judy or other brainless, monotone show and that usually does the trick. I fall back asleep in an hour or so in the chair until one of the kids or Mossy wakes up.

I used to love going to bed and waking up refreshed and ready for the new day. I am definitely a morning person, but this has hampered my enthusiasm.

Abortion

With abortion entering the current political climate, I got to thinking about this hot button topic.

There was a pregnant wife of an airman at the Air Force base near Spokane when I was in college. Pres. Reagan happily enforced a government employee rule banning late term abortions. This young woman, married and happy to be pregnant, found she had a child that had no higher brain at all. It had only the ‘lizard’ brain that controls basic functions. Because of this, the fetus was moving within her uncontrollably all the time. As it was missing much of its brain, it would not survive a day outside the womb. So, because of politics, she wasn’t covered by insurance to end the pregnancy. And I believe she was 6 months along at the time. So, she was condemned to spend months with thrashing within her own body, waiting for her child to die. And yet, the government said it wouldn’t endanger her health, the only excuse possible (I guess mental health didn’t count). As she and her husband were young, they had no money to pay for their own abortion. I never did hear how it all worked out. I do remember hearing that people were organizing to gather money to pay for a late term abortion for her. I hope she survived and went on to bear other healthy children. I can’t even imagine the horror of that situation.

It is so easy to stand on a pedestal of rigid thinking and say that it is ALWAYS this or that. Life is not so easy. Theories are nice and clean. My daughter is not a theory.

After my daughter proved to have disabilities that no one could explain, we faced our own questions. Should we have another child? Would it also have her problems? Would it be fair to her to have less time to maximize her support? Would she have a quality life? Would another child? What if, even with precautions, we got pregnant? We spent years on these questions. Fortunately, we never had to decide what to do with an unplanned pregnancy. But I have to ask, is it anyone else’s decision? Mossy and I should be the ones to make such decisions with our doctor. Why should the government be involved? A politician should better know what we should do? Would anyone else deal with the life long implications of such a child? We have seen first hand how family stays away because they don’t know how to help or don’t want to deal with the burden.

Don’ tell me the rhetoric about baby murder. It’s more complicated than that. All babies aren’t healthy. Danger to mothers is a given. Historically, many women died in childbirth. We tend to forget that. Babies grow up. Someone has to raise them.Just making a baby doesn’t give it a good life. Could you spend 3 months with a mindless, thrashing baby in your body 24/7? I couldn’t and I dare not sit in judgment of another.

After we adopted our second child, a friend hesitated to tell me of her daughter’s recent abortion. She had been in high school, and they struggled mightily as a family when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. My friend thought I would be opposed to abortion, given our adoption. I assured her that what they decided was the best for them. How can I tell them how to deal with such a difficult situation? How could anyone?

Fessing Up to Cheating

I am notorious among those I associate with for cheating and looking ahead to the end of books. I read the beginning to establish the characters and story, then cut to the last chapter or pages. Then I go back and read the rest of the book. Some don’t even know that I cheat on movies, too. I regularly go to moviepooper.com to see the ends of movies.

Actually, this peculiar habit helps me enjoy books and movies more. I find myself speed reading (I am a teacher, after all) while worrying about how the story will end. I have a dvr and have been known to fast forward to the end of a movie in the same way. I will also reread or rewatch a movie after finding out I like the story.

Once I know the end, I can enjoy the ride of the book or movie. Plus, when movies now cost upwards of $10 a person, it is good to know if I might enjoy it. When I see they may be sad or unfulfilling in the end, I save my money and wait for the dvd. I had to see the end of Harry Potter’s books and Twilight books, just to be sure everyone was okay in the end. Of course they were, but it was reassuring to know how they got to the end.

I bet I’m not the only one with this compulsion. It just feels lonely when everyone hassles/teases me for looking ahead!